Why it is so hard to make important decisions in life
Every day we make hundreds of decisions. From what to wear, what to eat to how to show up for the meeting with a friend. These are decisions we might take easily because they do not have a major impact on our life. Most of the people do not have problems at this chapter.
But what about important decisions in our life that will change the way we live? Choosing a career, getting married, moving to a different country, having a child? In front of “big” decisions, we might feel a bit stuck.
So let’s take a look at what makes it hard to take major decisions in life:
– Fear of making the wrong decision, making a mistake. This provokes anxiety which often affects our sleep, our level of energy, and the quality of our emotions. It comes from a tendency towards perfectionism. We might experience an emotional rollercoaster that gets us stuck between two options. In that state, it is quite difficult to decide. I remember when I had to take the first major decision in my life. It was at the end of high school and I had to choose my future field of study and with this implicitly my career. The fear of not choosing the right thing paralyzed me. I couldn’t sleep at night, I couldn’t eat or live peacefully anymore. At that moment, I just wanted to escape from taking any decision.
– The idea that once the decision is taken, everything is fixed forever and nothing can be changed anymore. Well, this is simply not true. Even if you make a decision and you realize it was not the right one, you can change your mind anytime, or at least change something about that decision. For example, if I discovered during my studies that this is not what I would like to do in the future, I could have changed the field and gone to study something else like ”Law”. Even if it took me some time to figure out what I wanted, at least this way I know for sure. I can regard this as a learning and self-discovery experience.
– Uncertainty about how things are going to unfold for us. Sometimes we just want to become wizards and to know everything about what and how is going to happen in the future, but the truth is nothing can guarantee success. Managing uncertainty, taking things as they come, accepting and enjoying reality makes part of the beauty of life. So keeping a flexible mindset will make things easier for you.
– Self-doubt, which comes from a lack of self-confidence. If we do not trust ourselves, we will not trust our decisions either.
– Fear of being judged by others. Maybe you know in your heart what is the right decision for you, but the fear of not being judged/rejected by others prevents you to even admit it.
– Lack of information. Many times the answer to “what do we need in order to make a decision?”, is more information. Being uninformed about what it means for example to live in “Iran” may prevent you from deciding to go there for your new life partner.